writing-off

there is a word for this, but i can't find it
It is a polaroid, pinned against a fridge and encroached upon by old gass and electricity bills. It is blurred and beautiful and silences the mind. This is the feeling i get when i see good art. My mind is silenced and i suddenly become aware of background sounds. Like my pulse and my breath, and the crunch of the bones of my bad knee. And i notice that i have stopped thinking. Good art, whilst being witnessed doesn't provoke thinking, ideas and concepts. It does the opposite. It stops you, right then and there and forces you to just listen. It un-shackles you.

There is a certain recipe to stringing words together, a sort of mathematical / musical equation to abide in order to poeticise and musicalise a piece of writing. To mobilise it. Or maybe it's just synesthesic.

I always felt that i was a bad writer. That i am without that skill. Lacking. That an ability to write is something which you are born with, inherent, inprinted, a strand, DNA, genetic, divine. You either got it or you ain't.

I think you need two things - 1. motivation, i.e - something to say. Perhaps this is where the artistic being 'born vs. taught' quandrary comes in? Is art an ability to see something in a unique way, or an ability to express something in a unique way. Born, or made? There would be mountains of literature on this. The rumination is what is important - the question...
The second thing needed, is an ability to express. And this, i now think, is taught. It may be learnt through life, or it may be learnt in a university lecture, or through reading, but it is learnt.

I accept my ideas and respect them, but i have a disdain for my ability to express them. If you get what i mean...

I'm not a bad writer, I just don't know how to write.